Month: January 2026

What I Got Wrong When I Self-Published

Posted on by Giacarla in writing

Photo by VENUS MAJOR on Unsplash

I went to college in New York City with the dream of one day being a published poet who wrote in cafes while drinking cappuccinos and smoking cigarettes. I know, I know, it was the late 80s, early 90s, and all the cool kids were doing it.

Fast forward to today, I drink lattes, don’t smoke anything, and haven’t written poetry in years. Life doesn’t always work out as you planned.

But . . . I did write a book.

Let’s go back a bit.

I started my publishing career in my 20s. I’ve written, edited, project managed, and marketed books. They’ve all been pretty niche non-fiction, and you probably haven’t read any of them. Although I’m proud to say our Pokémon Value Guide, which I researched, co-wrote, and edited, made the NYT Best Sellers list. Should I have lead with that?

Anyway, after a couple of layoffs and a teaching sprint, I went to back to school and graduated with an MFA in Creative Non-Fiction.

My thesis consisted of personal essays and poetry. The poetry had been written years before, I still hadn’t been writing in that genre, but I needed to flesh out the page count. The essays were either revamped from old works or brand new, all shaped by my advisor and classmates’ feedback.

After graduating, I made some changes (names were changed to protect privacy and some parts were removed entirely) and through Kindle Direct Publishing, I self-published Inked Up: Tales of a Girl Who Learned Stuff Along the Way.

Why did I self-publish?

I had a few reasons to take this route, the first being that the essays in the book were extremely personal and I didn’t want anyone to change them. I hired an editor who helped with grammatical issues, but the content remained the same. And with all my talented publishing friends, including my editor, I had everything I needed.

The second is a bit of a lazy excuse. I had just done so much work to complete grad school while working full-time; I just wanted it out there to share with family and friends. I lacked the energy to look for an agent and/or publisher.

(Note: Most traditional publishes require an agented submission. Be sure to check the guidelines before sending in unsolicited work.)

What went wrong?

An acquaintance had just self-published his book and had 500 copies in just a couple months. That seemed easy enough.

But we didn’t start in the same place. Sure, I have a lot of friends who have enjoyed my writing, but he owned a record company and was in a popular goth band. He had a ton of connections, friends, and fans. It didn’t take much more than a few mentions on social media and all of his platforms for his book to sell. Our genres, and therefore audience, were different as well; he wrote queer fiction and I wrote personal essays, so the scope of our audiences were quite different.

Am I telling you not to self-publish?

Absolutely not. Am I telling you that if you self-publish you won’t sell a lot of books? Also, absolutely not.

All I’m saying is that if you do go this route, do your research and manage your expectations.

You can find reliable self-publishing and hybrid resources with a quick Google search.

Looking back . . .

If I had to do it again with this particular book, I’d probably do the same thing. Sure, I would have liked to sell more, but that was never really my reason to publish it in the first place. I wanted to share my stories with the people I loved. To say it “went wrong” isn’t accurate.

But to think an audience of people who didn’t know me personally would buy the book,

Did I secretly hope I would sell millions of books to people who didn’t know me and wanted to hear my personal stories that very likely didn’t relate at all to them? Of course I did.

That future dream girl writing to-be-published works in a NYC cafe still lives in my soul.

Shameless self-promotion

That said, when I write my next one, which I will do some day, I’d go the traditional route. I’ll put the manuscript and its future in the publishing house’s hands and watch them work the magic.

Don’t get me wrong. Niche is great. Write for you and not your audience and all that. But once again I say, manage your expectations.

Then when you do better than expected, it’ll be amazing.

How about you?

I would love to know about your publishing experience. What route do you recommend? If you self-published, what tips do you have for selling more than a handful? Please help a fellow writer out!

A Gen X-er Walks into a Gym

Posted on by Giacarla in aging, anxiety, gen x, working out

Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash

How do you recognize a Gen-Xer at the gym? We’re all wearing shoes with good arch support (probably Asics); we’re decked out in sweatpants (not joggers) and probably a heavy metal T-shirt; and we all, somewhere on our body, have at least one injury. And also a tribal tattoo.

I’m a Gen-Xer and I’m completely obsessed with the gym. If you know me, you’re probably thinking that my ADHD led to a typo and I really meant “Jim.” But you probably don’t, so let me explain. See, I grew up in a time where the more emaciated and pale you looked, the more sunken and dark-rimmed eyes you had, the sexier you were. Punk rock, y’all!

Now, in my 50s, I make myself go to the gym at least three days a week, but sometimes up to five if I’m feeling like an overachiever. It depends on a lot of things, like if I rather sleep in; or I hurt some part of my body the last time I went; or even sometimes I can’t go because, well, it’s a Tuesday. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Let me show you around.

In one corner, there are all the cardio machines, each one more tortuous than the next. There are bikes and treadmills (on a road to nowhere), ellipticals that are better for your knees (maybe your knees, definitely not mine), and step machines. Long gone are the step machines of the 90s that were nothing more than two little pedals you literally stepped up and down on while white-knuckled gripping some questionably stable handles. Today’s steppers are much more sturdy but are also actual moving staircases created for people with legs much longer than mine and a death-wish.

In the other corner are the assisted weight machines. You’ll find me among my middle-aged peeps on them because they leave less chance of doing something wrong and hurting yourself.

Then of course there are all the dumbbells, barbells, and plates. That’s where you’ll find a lot of sweaty grunting people who carry around a jug of water and refuse to wipe down the seats and handles when they’re done. To be fair, sometimes you’ll see those same people in the assisted weight area grunting just as loud, even though they’re hardly lifting anything at all. Call me judgy, but come on, really?

Why are there kids here? And how are they so fit?

I find myself staring, probably really obviously, at these young people although I hope I look like I’m staring into space. By now, though, you should recognize that subtly is not really my thing. They are just so freaking cute–especially the little couples! I barely went on any dates when I was in high school, and if I did, it sure as hell wouldn’t have been to a gym.

These kids, however adorable, are not great for my ego. Here I’ll be feeling proud of myself for squatting 40 lbs on a weight-assisted machine and see these waif-like girls squatting 60 with a regular barbell. This is when I tell myself that they’re probably high school or college athletes, or that I’m 35+ years older than them so that’s to be expected, or that because I don’t have a spotting buddy like they do that I’m not pushing myself so of course I’m lifting less. I’m really good at rationalizing things. Some people call it delusion, I call it creativity.

Did the gym even exist when I was their age? I know we had a gym in school, but that was just a period for making up excuses about why I couldn’t play floor hockey or do the President’s fitness test (which you may of you may not be old enough to remember, but know when I tell you that it was brutal and absolutely did not go down on your permanent record). In fact, there actually is no permanent record, no matter what the Violent Femmes say.

Mmm pizza . . .

In today’s world, with everything else the internet has given us, we also have access to terrible body expectations and a million different diet plans, some of the more popular ones being Keto, Weight Watchers, micros and macros, Mediterranean, fasting, and Atkins (although the Atkins creator of is dead so maybe don’t follow that one). Every day it seems like there’s new dietary advice. Of course they all pretty much contradict each other, which is just another reason you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.

When I was younger, it was always Dexatrim and a case of the shakes. Maybe don’t try that diet either.

In fact, forget dieting all together. Diet culture is damaging on so many levels. Take care of yourself and be strong, but don’t obsess over it. Go ahead and splurge on that sundae or bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Not all the time of course. And with the case of the peanut butter cups, maybe not in one sitting. Don’t ask me how I know.

Oh hi, menopause.

And to add insult to injury, there’s “the change.” With it comes body aches, decreased mobility, that belly pouch, and an almost non-existent metabolism. Don’t even get me started on hot flashes.

The experience of this life stage was very difficult to explain to my 54-year old male trainer named Biff (not really) who mistook my desire to be stronger as a desire to be a “hot body” (his words not mine). I wanted to be able to walk up my stairs without having to sit down at the top, and he wanted me to bench press 200 and have muscles so defined you could see my veins.

After the two months I committed to were over, I dropped him. It wasn’t much of a loss because out of our hour-long session, he would spend about thirty-five minutes telling me how great he was at his job, how he always stuck to his diet, and how his wife liked it when he took off his shirt, illustrating his point by raising it to show off his stomach. Now, I like a male (or female) six pack as much as the next gal, but gross.

You know, though, I almost stayed with him because I felt bad about “breaking up” with him. This clearly tells you a lot about my past relationships.

Despite him telling me I needed him, I kept it up one my own.

When none of my various body parts are broken or sprained or just not functioning properly (see “This Little Piggy Went to the ER”), I go to the gym. Early, like before work early. I know, that sounds crazy to me too. But I know myself and that means I know at the end of the day, I’m useless. Maybe it’s the ADHD, maybe it’s straight anxiety, maybe it’s sleep apnea, but after 4 pm, I’m done.

This is one of the reasons I didn’t stay with roller derby the five times I tried and actually made the league. Practicing at 7:30pm? Aren’t we all in bed by then? Not to mention being thrown across the rink by girls half my age who made it a career to cross train really sucks. Don’t get me wrong, they were excellent athletes, it’s just that I wasn’t. I’m still not. I’m a Gen-Xer and I put the “i” in team.

But you know what? That’s okay.

Why am I telling you all this?

As a woman of a certain age, I want you to impart on you what little wisdom I’ve gleaned over the years. If you enjoy something, you should do it. And you should do it your way. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it and good goddess don’t compare yourself to other people. I know that last part is really hard. That said, don’t do anything dangerous and try not to end up in the ER.

I’m giving you permission to do what you love–even though you don’t need permission from me or anyone else.

You got this.

Got writer’s block? Check these out.

Posted on by Giacarla in writing

Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash

I can’t write.

I mean, I can write. I have two degrees in creative writing and have written professionally for decades.

But when it comes to writing on my own, I have a horrible time with writer’s block. This is a relatively new thing in the past few years, and I think life and all its responsibilities take a toll on creativity.

But when I decide I’m tired of my own excuses (maybe they aren’t all excuses, but more of my feeling bad about writing), I look for resources that can help. Let me tell you about some of them.

There’s a class for that

I love school. I love classes and ever since graduation, I’ve taken a variety of them. Having deadlines and accountability helps me tremendously. So, if they help you and you have a little extra time and money, here are a few I suggest.

Writing Workshops: Most of the classes are online but they also offer international writing retreats and even an IndieMFA program — all from professional writers.

Gotham Writers Workshop: Gotham offers in-person, Zoom, and independent programs taught by accomplished faculty.

On the page

Writing books are great if you want flexibility and have more self-discipline than I do. They come in different formats from inspirational to workbook. Some of my favorites include:

Bird by Bird by Ann Lamott

On Writing by Stephen King

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Save the Cat! Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody

Right now I’m super excited about these: Write a Romantasy and Write a Dystopian Novel, both from Erik Patterson, who you may know as YourDailyWritingPrompt on TikTok. Coming soon, and the one I’m most excited about, is Write a Horror Novel.

Erik brings his quick wit and professional insights to these pages full of tips, encouragement and prompts. He’s fantastic.

In the cards

Are you creative but also into Tarot and magick? Check these out:

Tarot for Creativity by Chelsey Pippin Mizzi

Lessons from the Empress by Cassandra Snow and Siri Vincent Plouff

Magic Maker by Pam Grossman

The Writer’s Oracle by Alexadra Rowland (not magic, but still excellent)

Tell me more

What are your go-to resources when you need some writing inspiration? Let me know in the comments! I’m always looking for suggestions, please help a fellow writer out!

A Tarot Reading for Menopause

Posted on by Giacarla in Tarot

The Tower from The Vanessa Deck

This is a Tarot reading for anyone who is approaching or fully in menopause and beyond.

But first, a bit about my inspiration for this. Have you heard of Melani Sanders and her We Do Not Care Club, of which I am a proud menopausal member?

If you haven’t, and about to embark or fully immersed in what they tactfully call “the change,” I suggest looking her up and following her. I know that takes some of our precious energy, but it’s worth it. I promise.

As for the “the change” itself, I give it a 0 out of 10. Do NOT recommend. However, there are some perks, for example, your own personal “power surges” may save you money on your heating bill.

Anyhow, in the spirit of the We Do Not Care Club, I’m going to do a 3-card, past-present-future card reading with The Vanessa Tarot Deck. I chose this deck because it features powerful goddesses living on their own terms.

The Spread

Queen of Cups (reversed), The High Priestess, The Magician

The Reading

The first thing I notice about this spread is that two of the three cards are from the Major Arcana. In Tarot, the 12 cards in the Major Arcana represent overarching life themes and archetypes. The 56 cards in Minor Arcana are representative of the things that happen to us on a daily level. So, since we no longer have patience for the petty, silly things that surround us, it’s no wonder most of the cards in the spread are Major Arcana.

Past: Queen of Cups (reversed)

Upright, the Queen of Cups symbolizes softness, passion, and sensitivity. The Queen is ruled by her heart and intuition. Emotions overflow everywhere.

But why is she reversed here? Well, I can only speak for myself but maybe you’ll relate. When I was younger, I was a mess with no control over my emotions. What I thought was intuition turned out to be naivete combined with anxiety and depression. Like I said, a mess, or in other words, the Queen of Cups reversed.

But that leads us to . . .

Present: The High Priestess

The High Priestess is the symbol of power and wisdom. She is confident and she knows things. She may forget these things from time to time, but give her a minute, they’ll come back to her. Maybe.

We now have our emotions in check (at least most of the time). We can still be nurturing and caring, but if we’re going to be, we’re going to do it on our terms. We live by our intuition, only now our intuition is shaped by experience. We’re not afraid to show our emotions, but at the same time, we often just don’t care.

Future: The Magician

The Magician represents power, resourcefulness, and skill. At this point and moving forward, we know what we want and we know how to get it.

And if what we want is to spend the weekend on the couch in ripped sweats and old, stained band T-shirt, watching terrible movies, and drinking delicious coffee, so be it.

Go get it, girl!

But only if you feel like it.

Let’s Talk about Manifestation

Posted on by Giacarla in witchcraft

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

When I first started studying magic, I started like most in the late 80s, early 90s, with Scott Cunningham’s books on Wicca. (Note: I had the opportunity to work with his sister Christine, and she is delightful and wrote a wonderful book about her brother and their lives.) Granted it’s been a few years since I began learning and a whole lot more books, but it interests me how much the concept of manifestation has changed over the years.

What is manifestation?

In witchcraft, manifestation is bringing something to fruition though spell work utilizing focused intention, tools, and often tradition. And with modern magic, mundane activities are often required to help the magic along.

For example, I can do all the spells ever created to make me a better skier, but unless I get my ass on that mountain, I’m never going to improve.

Manifestation today

Today when people talk about manifestation, they often mean positive thinking and visualizing something into existence.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in the power of positive thinking, at least sometimes. It’s great for building confidence and motivation, and that’s been scientifically proven.

But if all it took to manifest desires was thinking good thoughts, I would have, among other things:

  • millions of dollars
  • a penthouse in New York City
  • expert skiing ability
  • peace on earth
  • a flat stomach

If only, right?

Manifestation for self-care

I also don’t remember self-care as being a huge focus in magical studies. I’m not at all opposed to it; it just seems like a relatively new concept. Am I wrong?

It’s possible my memory sucks, or I wasn’t reading specific books, and while I’m very concerned with my physical wellbeing (see my list of doctors, meds, and gym schedule), emotional wellbeing isn’t something I’ve put much thought into— in witchcraft or otherwise.

Now that I say that I realize how unhealthy that may be.

But hey, I’m Gen-X and based on our unsupervised childhood and disaffection from life, that shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

Maybe someday . . .

I’ll try magical self-care as a way to manifest personal wellbeing. There are certainly some great resources out there to help, and people I respect swear by it.

In the meantime, I’ll use magic for other things. I’ll also keep visualizing my penthouse and peace on earth. Who knows, maybe it will work after all!

Who needs therapy when you have Tarot?

Posted on by Giacarla in Tarot

Photo by petr sidorov on Unsplash

(Just kidding, I think everyone can benefit from therapy alongside Tarot readings.)

I had a mini-Tarot reading today. It was a spur of the moment decision as I was putting off some things I had to do, which now that I’m reading this to proofread, makes complete sense with the card I pulled below. Oh Tarot, you know me so well.

I have so many talented tarot reader friends, but I wanted to go to someone whom I’d never met, or more so, never met me. That said, my friends are all professionals and know how to separate readings from opinions. I’m still working on that when I read for close friends.

Anyhow, it went really well, I think. It was a general reading, and she touched on a lot of the things I was thinking about, including work anxiety, writer’s block anxiety, and my boss’s protective energy.

The final two cards she pulled were the Chariot and an upright Minor Arcana Pentacle, 10, I think, but it may have been 8. I have a terrible memory.

(Again, while proofreading, it dawned on me that the card I pulled was also from the Pentacles suit. The synchronicity! More on that in another article.)

Continuing the momentum

Keeping with my hope to make Tarot a daily practice, I pulled a card for myself. If you’re seeing this, maybe it was meant for you too.

Today I’m using The Not So Mystical Tarot, created by a wonderful human, my friend Jenn. The art of the deck is so fun, mixing whimsical scenes (the 6 of Cups features peanut butter cups) with Jenn’s take on the more traditional images. It’s lovely and I love working with it, especially since Jenn has such great energy.

Today’s pull . . .

7 of Pentacles from The Not So Mystical Tarot Deck reversed.
7 of Pentacles from The Not So Mystical Tarot Deck reversed.

Upright, the 7 of Pentacles is a sign of finally seeing the awards of hard work. You’ve been patient, focused, and diligent, and now it’s time to celebrate.

Reversed: Not so much.

What this means for me:

  • My giving in to my writer’s block over my break from work and not starting to write until 2 days before the end. Or not going skating. Or skiing. Or hanging out with friends. Or spending time in the city. Or many of the other things I’d hope to do.
  • Right now, I have a few more hours before my break ends and then it’s back to the hectic daily pace of work. I absolutely love my job, but I also love doing nothing and having to use very litter brain power.

The woman in the card looks peaceful, proud as she reaps her harvest. I, on the other hand, am vacillating between disappointment in myself for not doing any of the above-mentioned things with the realization that I really did need to take a relaxing break from life.

So what now?

It seems pretty obvious that it’s time for me to get back on track with things. Work, because break is over, and writing because I want to. I’ve written two days in a row so hopefully that’s a great start. And I made plans to go skiing on Saturday.

So . . . basically the 7 of Pentacles reversed wants me to get off my ass, stop feeling sorry for myself because of executive disfunction, laziness, or whatever it is keeping me from doing the things I want (and in some cases, have) to do, and just get shit done.

Does this card resonate for you? Let me know!

A Tarot Message for the New Year

Posted on by Giacarla in Tarot

Photo by Edz Norton on Unsplash

I’ve been reading Tarot for decades. Or really, I’ve had Tarot decks for decades and only in the last five years or so have I started to actually read them regularly instead of just collecting them for the amazing art and the possibility of someday making it a part of my daily spiritual practice.

2026: the year I focus on Tarot

This seems like a great place to start, and I’ll do so with a pick a card message for 2026.

Pick a card:

For this reading, I’m using The Midnight City Tarot Deck. I adore this deck. With it’s gorgeous art and New York City-theme, it’s one of my absolute favorites. I even bought the companion oracle deck — it’s the only oracle I’ve ever bought.

I do apologize for my crappy photos that don’t do the deck justice. They do work for my purpose here, but please check it out through the link to see just how amazing they are.

Let’s do this.

Pick a card and see what the message the universe has for you in the new year.

Three cards face down from the Midnight City Tarot Deck.
The Midnight City Tarot Deck

Card 1: Death

The Death tarot card from The Midnight City Tarot Deck.
Death

The Death card often throws people into a panic because they associate it with literal death. But in Tarot, it actually signifies a change — the end of something, a transition. But like that old saying about doors opening and closing, The Death card sees something coming to an end and a new cycle beginning.

Maybe you’re graduating this year and off to the next stage of your life. Maybe a relationship will come to an end, but you’ll emerge with a new sense of confidence and freedom. Maybe you’ll say goodbye to your gray hair by dying it pink.

Whatever lies ahead, know that you’re ready and embrace the change. It will do you good, even if first it doesn’t seem so.

Card 2: Temperance

The Temperance card from The Midnight City Tarot Deck.
Temperance

Are you a go big or go home type of person? Do you laugh at the thought of patience being a virtue? Do you jump into things with little thought?

Temperance is all about balance, moderation, purpose, and harmony. It’s a sign to step back, take a deep breath, and honestly evaluate where your life needs more balance.

Do you work too much? Are you ignoring self-care? Do you say yes to things even when you’re already completely overwhelmed? How often do you do something impulsively? This is where Temperance comes in.

Being out of balance can affect your mind, body, and soul. This card is telling you that all or nothing isn’t always the best path to take. And when life throws those inevitable challenges and choices at you, think before you act.

Card 3: 8 of Swords

The 8 of Swords from The Midnight City Tarot Deck.
8 of Swords

When the 8 of Swords shows up, it suggests that you feel trapped in some aspect of your life. In other words, you’re stuck.

This could refer to your job, your relationships, and even your feelings about yourself. Are you isolating yourself from your friends but feeling left out? Have you settled into a situation because it’s comfortable and familiar?

The 8 of Swords wants you to stop and think about what’s keeping you trapped in the situation or negative thoughts. Is it possible that the position you’re in is self-imposed? Are your hands really tied, or is there something you can do to free yourself? You have more choices than you think.

3-card reading

Overall, the cards are telling you to take control (8 of Swords) and accept the changes (Death) and challenges that will arise this year. But, of course, not before you take into account the message from the Temperance card.

I don’t believe it’s a coincide that these cards came up during the first full moon of the new year, which just happens to be a wolf moon, one of the biggest and brightest of them all.

I hope you have a blessed new year!